This is in remembrance of our GM Gralth, who was a tad nutty.  However, he was one of our great leaders, and did a lot for the guild.

 

This is the Tale of Keira as told by GM Gralth with the assistance of puppets.. yes, puppets.

 

Forewarning, our beloved GM Gralth was tortured by Keira after this tale was made....

 

 

 

 

Awakenings has arrived and the blessings of the New Year are being counted. Thankful for a little time off, parents rush to Frostfall square after receiving a scroll about an impending puppet show and warn their young ones to behave while they do a little shopping around town. A semi-circle of children sits wide-eyed and anxious, staring at the masterfully crafted screen and backdrop for the upcoming presentation. The giggling, rambunctious chatter falls to a hush as the small curtain parts to reveal a hand puppet of an elderly man, dressed in clothes of a herald, holding a scroll.

 

A mocking regal female voice, not even attempting to sound male, resounds from behind the screen (Ryla as the Herald): "Welcome lads and ladies of Frostfall! Today we'll share the tale of an ancient and sacred tree, gruesome and snarling Doomagan raiders, courageous...and snarling...Barbarians, but most importantly, a fierce...and snarly...guardian named Keira. It all starts deep in the Winter North Mountains, where a lone tree and a female warrior stand brave against the elements of another harsh storm. I'll leave you now to witness the beginning of our heroine, a vision of loveliness, and the grim tree that was her charge..."

 

The herald puppet quickly vanishes, leaving only the velvet curtain in view.

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short (Gralth as Keira): Guardin' the tree-

 

A hissing female voice behind the screen (Ryla): Open the damn curtain first, you git.

 

The curtain parts to reveal the backdrop of snow covered mountains. A fiery-haired warrior paces before a tree prop, decorated with rat skull's dangling from the branches.

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short (Gralth as Keira): Guardin' the tree...guardin' the tree..do te do..guardin' the tree. Eeps! A Doomagan...

 

The silence that ensues renders visions of an icy glare from Ryla, the air thick with her murderous intent after hearing the line.

 

An unsure male voice whispering behind the screen (Gralth): Um..cue..Doomagan..hey don't look at me like that, you said you were bored

 

A low growl is heard from behind the stage

 

Up pops a macabre puppet of a Doomagan warrior. The puppet is clothed in what seems to be blood stained cloth with tufts of bloodied human hair sticking from it at odd angles. And if that alone isn't a seed for planting nightmares into the fragile young minds...

 

A delicate female voice trying too hard to be gruff, and only coming out angry (Ryla as Doomagan): RAAAAWWWRRRR!

 

A few children in the front row cringe and a wailing cry can be heard from another.

 

A whispering male voice from behind the screen (Gralth): Sheesh, did you bring that thing with you from the Underworld when you left? You're scaring the poor runts.

 

A hissing female voice from behind the screen (Ryla): Shut UP and let me read my lines...

 

A delicate female voice trying too hard to be gruff, and only coming out angry (Ryla as Doomagan): We've come to take your tree and gain control of the precious power held within for the Doomagan nation! Rawr!

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short (Gralth as Keira): At least tell me your name before I strike you down, dog.

 

A delicate female voice trying too hard to be gruff, and only coming out angry (Ryla as Doomagan): I am the invincible insert Doomagan General's name here, and with my army I sha-

 

A deathly silence falls over the stage....

 

A growling female voice speaks loudly behind the screen (Ryla): Insert Doomagan General's name here?

 

A male voice, suppressing a laugh, behind the screen (Gralth): What? The mongrels all look the same! You can't possibly expect me to remember his name, can you?

 

Suddenly a few sheets of parchment are seen flying out into the street from behind the puppeteer screen.

 

An increasingly angry female voice from behind the screen (Ryla): This is the last time you get to write anything, we're improvising.

 

A large hand can be seen, without a puppet no less, rising from behind the screen to touch one of the rat's skull on the tree.

 

An increasingly angry female voice from behind the screen (Ryla): And quit touching the props!

 

A male voice from behind the screen (Gralth): But what ab-

 

The male's words are cut short by the sound of a dagger slowly being drawn from its sheath and the puppet-less hand vanishes behind the screen.

 

A male voice from behind the screen (Gralth): Right...improvising is good...

 

A delicate female voice trying too hard to be gruff, and only coming out angry, yet trying to regain some dignity (Ryla as Doomagan): Yes, as I said, I'm the Doomagan General and I'm here to steal the power that should be ours!

 

Another hand rises behind the curtain, this one bearing five finger puppets of slightly less disturbing Doomagan soldiers, all charging towards the lovely Keira. There's a lengthy pause in the action as a familiar puppet-less hand appears again, reaching over to cause the strung up rat skull's to sway on the tree.

 

A faint scuffling noise and an "Ouch" is heard behind the screen...

 

A male voice from behind the screen (Gralth): Oh...uhh...

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short, and oddly distant because the speaker is distracted by the rat skulls (Gralth as Keira): Eat club, beasts! Redheads always come out on top!

 

A female groan is heard behind the screen...

 

The puppets move together, reenacting the great battle, which is, unfortunately, complete with horribly done sound effects...

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short, oddly distant because the speaker is STILL distracted by the rat skulls (Gralth as Keira): Bang! Swish!

 

A delicate female voice trying too hard to be gruff, only coming out angry, formerly trying to regain some dignity, now given up all hope (Ryla as Doomagan): Clang..swoosh. Aha! I've got you now....

 

Once again, the puppet free hand reaches up and toys with the dangling rat skull. The five finger puppets suddenly stop battling as the hand they're attached to reaches up and grabs the edge of the tree prop, tearing it from the stage and tossing it into the crowd.

 

A thoroughly annoyed female voice behind the screen growls (Ryla): I said leave it ALONE!

 

A sulking male voice behind the screen can be heard making a reference to a female dog...

 

With the entire scene completely sidetracked by the bickering behind the screen, it's far from shocking when a new puppet suddenly springs up on the battlefield. It appears to be the herald from the introduction, although now he's been altered to be shorter, his beard has been ripped off and his scroll is missing.

 

A low and grating voice, speaking too fast for his own good, with a Gnomish accent (Gralth as Axx): I,Axxhavearrived...tosavetheday! Gnomercy!

 

A female voice, now completely lost, from behind the screen mutters (Ryla): What the hell are you doing? That isn't how it happened

 

A male voice, completely amused by his ingenious actions, from behind the screen (Gralth): What? I'm improvising!

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short, no longer oddly distant because the speaker is distracted by the rat skulls, but now utterly amused (Gralth as Keira): Diediedie fleshy ones! Thunk! Bang!

 

The Axx and Keira puppets charge at the Doomagan raider puppets who are oddly still, as the shock (of the puppeteer) fully sinks in.

 

A low and grating voice, speaking too fast for his own good, with a Gnomish accent (Gralth as Axx): Psh, Psh! Clang!

 

Finally, the Doomagan puppets start to respond with fighting movements. And just as the performance starts to regain some semblance of an actual show, the Axx puppet displays movements which appear to be him fondling the Doomagan General (the puppeteer's fingers itch) instead of fighting.

 

A grumpy female voice behind the screen (Ryla): ... If your puppet's hand touches my puppet's ### one more time...

 

An amused male voice behind the screen (Gralth): What's wrong with a little puppet love?

 

A seething female voice behind the screen (Ryla): First of all, both of our puppets are men and secondly,...no...I'm not even going to finish that statement. This is not something that needs to be justified...

 

A flirty male voice behind the screen (Gralth): What about my hand touching your a-

 

The Keira puppet disappears below the stage

 

The Doomagan soldiers disappear from the stage and a thundering slap is heard.

 

A disappointed male voice behind the screen mutters (Gralth): No wonder Prodigal spent all his time hidden in a coffin...

 

The Axx puppet finishes dispatching the remaining Doomagan and the Keira puppet reappears on the stage.

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short, no longer oddly distant because the speaker is distracted by the rat skulls, and now even more amused (Gralth as Keira): You saved me, but alas my tree is gone. How can I ever repay you?

 

A low and grating voice, speaking too fast for his own good, with a Gnomish accent, but equally amused as the Keira voice (Gralth as Axx): Well..you'reno SHEEP..butIguess you'lldo

 

A male voice imitating a female's and falling horrendously short, no longer oddly distant because the speaker is distracted by the rat skulls, and now even more amused (Gralth as Keira): Hey! What's that supposed to mean?

 

A low and grating voice, formerly speaking too fast for his own good and with a Gnomish accent, but has given up the pretense and is just low and grating voice (Gralth as Axx): Nothing. C'mon sweet cakes, let's get hitched.

 

The Keira and Axx puppets, pawing at each other all the while, wander off stage and the curtain closes, smooching noises filling the brief moment of silence.

 

The Doomagan General puppet peeks his head out from the part in the curtain...

 

A male voice imitating the mocking regal female voice, which didn't even attempting to sound male, resounds from behind the screen (Gralth as Ryla as the Herald): Axx and Keira were then married. After their twenty-second child, they settled in a nice forest grove, complete with several knotholes where they lived happily ever after.

 

An exhausted female voice from behind the screen (Ryla): There's a special place in hell for people like you. I hope you realize that. And this was by far the worst idea you've ever had...

 

A highly entertained male voice from behind the screen (Gralth): What about making Vax Senior Clan Teacher?

 

An exhausted female voice from behind the screen (Ryla): Okay, this is the second worst idea you've ever had...

 

It was shortly thereafter that a mass of disgruntled, yelling parents arrived to retrieve their sobbing and distraught children. After throwing an unfavorable word or ten towards the 'performers' behind the screen, they rush off, praying to the Heavens that they never see those two Barbarians again.

 

~End~

 

This has been a proud presentation of the Barbarian Puppeteer Group. Copyright 262. all rights reserved.